The life I could have lived
by SarellaSand
Summary: These are snippets out of Rhaenys Targaryens life.
1. Chapter 1

**Rhaenys, Daenerys, Viserys, Aegon, Jon, Margaery, Willas**

Sometimes Rhaenys thinks that Dany and her are the only sane ones in the family and she loves her aunt (who is more like a little sister to her) even more for it. And Dany seems to be the only one without a negative attribute to her. She isn't resentful like Viserys, she doesn't share Rhaegars obsessions, she is not impulsive like Aegon or moody like Jon. And she isn't as judgy as Rhaenys. But Daenerys is timid, she doesn't voice her opinions except to Rhaenys, when they are alone, sitting in her mother's favorite room. Then and only then Dany talks. Her thoughts on the people around them, the latest political events and even something as trivial as the weather. Those are all sharp observations which would make the Grandmaesters of the Citadel proud. Her mother once told her that she thinks that her aunt posesses one of the sharpest minds in Westeros and Rhaenys agrees. And it makes her furious. "Why?!", she wants to shout at Dany."Why don't you speak up and share it with the rest of them? Why do you remain quiet?" But she knows that she could never speak in this manner to Dany. Dany with her big violet eyes and her sweet smile, hands folded in her lap. And she is scared that her aunt would shut her out too.

Viserys used to be her rock. But after losing every Mother figure in his life (first Rhaella and then Elia) he is scared of losing even more (Rhaenys and Dany to marriage, the deep respect of Aegon and Jon to older, more accomplished knights). And that slowly destroys him. Now she needs to be his rock.

She will never understand what her foolish little brothers see in jousting. It's stupid and dangerous. But when she voices those misgivings they just laugh and tell her that she worries to much. She tries to hide her anxiety behind annoyance, but when Margaery or Dany (or both) appear next to her and hold her hand, she knows that she failed.

The day on which Margaery arrived in King's Landing somethig had changed for Rhaenys. The years before she slowly lost her uncle to the temptations of alcohol. Eight to Ten times in a month he would be found uncouncious somewhere in the castle. She would then thank Ser Oswell and Ser Jaime for finding him and carrying him to his bed chambers and sit next to his bed until he woke up. "This was the last time Rhaenys", he would whisper. "I promise you." Of course it wasn't. And there was no one else to turn to. The servants already gossiped enough about "The Mad King reborn", and she tried to shield her brothers and aunt from finding out about Viserys' condition. It was exhausting. When she first met Lady Margaery she only saw one of many young girls of noble birth who wanted to catch Aegons attention and his heart and (even more important) a crown. But during the tourney to celebrate Jon's 12th nameday she meets her while looking for Viserys (who doesn't take tourneys very well). The end of their conversations comes abruptly and is marked by the sight of Viserys with a botlle of dornish Rhaenys tried to send Margaery on a pointless quest to retrieve some herbs from her room which didn't exist, the Tyrell instead approached Viserys and after dropping the word "dragon" a few times during their conversation with the slightly tipsy Prince sh even managed to get a hold of his bottle. She encouraged him to recount the whole history of the Targaryen dynasty in Westeros while walking by the dragon skulls. At this point Rhaenys and the Kingsguards who trailed them were wondering how much charm a single person could possess. Two hours later Margaery sat with a sober, but still very charmed Viserys and her in the audience to watch the last tilt. Then and there Rhaenys admitted to herself that she wasn't only thankful, but also a bit charmed herself.

Rhaenys grew up around knights. Knights who constantly asked for her and Danys favour before a melee or a joust, win a royals lady favor then her heart. Earn honour and never dying glory. And all the young lords who visited court with their fathers hoping to squire for one of the most reowned of them, had the same goal. Dany once remarked how the qualities a true knight should posess were being overshadowed by greed, selfishness and arrogance. Although they still dreamt of someone like the Dragonknight to come into their lives, they knew that this was very ulikely so they gave their favours to a member of the Kingsguard. No romance would come out of it, but at least their favour was worn by a true knight. During a big tourney in Highgarden she sat next to Margaery who was excited to be back home and to show her around. There she met Willas Tyrell for the first time. She had heard about his crippled leg from her uncle Oberyn, who played a role in how Willas came by his injury. Now he had to sit with the elderly, women and children while his brothers took part in the tourney to achieve honour and glory. Rhaenys assumed he would be bitter, but he was genuinely smiling. When she asked him, he surprised her by being shrewd like his Grandmother , the Queen of Thorns, and charming like his siblings and bringing something additionally which Rhaenys couldn't quite put her finger on, but her heart was beating faster nonetheless. During the feast she approached him after the second dance with a pained expression. "I must have sprained my ankle. Now i will miss the rest of the dance. Would you mind, Lord Willas, to bear an unlucky lady's company?" "Of course not, your grace, but I cannot see how a graceful dancer like yourself would sprain her ankle?". "Are you accusing your princess to be a liar, milord?". "I would not dare", he said with a knowing look and. And so they spend the rest of the night talking and before they went to their respective bed chambers they might have kissed before almost being discovered by a boosting and drunk Aegon who was half carried to his bedchamber by his not so amused brother. Back in King's Landing it kept happening that letters from Highgarden were not meant for Lady Margaery but for someone else. And this someone was teased by Margaery relentlessly about it.


	2. Chapter 2

** Rhaenys, Rhaella, Viserys**

Sometimes Rhaenys wondered how she'd turned out, if her grandmother Rhaella hadn't died or her mother had not left. She does not remember much about her grandmother, but she recalls her fondly. During the time when her mother was pregnant with Aegon, her father spending most of his time either at Summerhall or in the libary and her grandfather growing more vicious everyday, her grandmother and Viserys were the only ones who cared for her. Rhaella took them to the beach where she collected stones or dipped her toes into the sea while Viserys was building sandcastles modelled after Summerhall (before it burned down) or Dragonstone. He took it very seriously and didn't allow Rhaenys to come near it. "I love you Nys", he used to say,"but you are too much of a clutz and will ruin it." Even her pouting didn't help to change his mind. But her grandmother always found a way to make her smile again. One time she ordered Ser Barristan to put Rhaenys on his shoulders while she pretended to be Aegon the Conqueror riding Balerion. Even a jealous on-looking Viserys couldn't dampen her mood.  
"I don't want a brother", she told Rhaella one day. Everybody was convinced that her mother was carrying a boy, everyone who dared to suggest otherwise in the presence of the King or his spies was playing with fire.  
"But why my sweetling?"  
"Even now my mother and my father have no time to play with me anymore. I don't want to share them with a babe!"  
"Sweetling", Rhaella said gently." You are a smart girl, you know that the kingdom and Rhaegar need an heir."  
"Viserys could be king after my father. And then I can be his queen. Grandfather even said so." Rhaellas smile dropped slightly by the mentioning of her brother-husband.  
"Rhaenys?"  
"Yes, grandmother?"  
"I promise you I won't love your little brother more than you. You are my little girl and no one could ever replace you in my heart."  
Today Rhaenys realized how unfair the promise was her grandmother gave to her, but still...This promise used the be the only thing that could sooth her heart in a time when she desperately needed it.

**AN:**

Please comment and if you have any suggestings let me know. They all have to involve Rhaenys in some way though.

Some things about this alternate universe:  
Lyanna died during childbirth and Rhaegar took Jon to King's Landing and legitimized him.  
Robert's Rebellion failed and Robert died.  
Ned and Jon Arryn were pardoned, but Hoster Tully was exiled. There are talks that the Darrys might replace the Tullys since they were loyal to the crown, which causes some tension.  
Rhaella still died (but this time in King's Landing).  
Aerys was poisoned two weeks after the Battle at the Trident, but the murderer was never found.  
Elia and Rhaegar never worked through their problems. While she accepted Jon with open arms, she never warmed up to Rhaegar again. After some assasination attempts on her life (funded by someone unknown), she left KL as soon as Rhaenys turned ten namedays and was considered old enough to be the principal lady at court.


	3. Chapter 3

**Queen of Love and Beauty**

Sometimes Rhaenys wished that the custom of naming a Queen of Love and Beauty would be abolished. It seems to bring nothing but strife. Of course she (and everyone else from Dorne to the wall) knew what happened during the tourney of Harrenhal. But even years later, a crown of flowers caused tension between her parents. For the celebration of Viserys 14th nameday, her father arranged one of the biggest tourneys in the history of Westeros. Lords and Ladies from all over Westeros came for this special occasion (even though Jon was disappointed that none of his relatives from Winterfell arrived). At first the tourney the proceeded without any strange occurences. But after a mystery knight entered the list and beat all his opponents everything went downhill. Rhaenys had never seen her father angry until this point in her life, but during the perfomance of the mystery knight, his beautiful face was twisted in anger and after the knight handed her mother a crown of violet roses, he got up and angrily stormed off. Her mother on the other handed smiled radiantly, while her uncle Oberyn looked on with a knowing smile on his face. "Just like the Dragonknight!", Viserys exclaimed. After he saw the confusion on Rhaenys face he sighed. "You don't even know who the Dragonknight is, do you Nys?" That made her angry. Why did her uncle always have to tease her? "I KNOW who the Dragonknight is, but I don't see the connection between these two, uncle!", she answered heatedly. Viserys furrowed. He knew she always called him "uncle" when she was upset with him. "Aemon Targaryen also participated as a mystery knight", a voice next to her piped up.  
Tyrion Lannister took a sip of wine. "And another similarity is the tear on their shields." The day after tourney was marked by the departure of her mother. Elia said goodbye to each of the children and while Viserys and Rhaenys tried to hide their sadness (or in Viserys case, anger), Aegon, Jon and Dany took her departure extremely hard. Daenerys even tried to persuade Elia to take her with her to Dorne. When her mother gently (but firmly) refused, Dany broke down in tears. She only stopped after Elia gifted her the crown of flowers she received. "Take good care of them", she told Dany. "Go to Ashara, she will help you find a fitting dress." After Dany had run off excitedly, Elia turned to Rhaenys who was the only one left in her mothers solar. "I had actually planned to give the crown to you, sweetling", her mother said and stroked her cheek. "But Daenerys needs it more than you." Rhaenys nodded. "It suits her better anyway", she mumbled. It was true, even after only 6 namedays had passed, Dany was already hailed to be one of the most beautiful maidens in Westeros. And the violet flowers complimented her eyes in a way that was very becoming. Her mother put her hands on her shoulders. "You are also very beautiful, Rhaenys. And clever and strong. Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken. Do not ever forget it." The next morning Elia Martell left together with her brother, Ashara and Ser Arthur Dayne. And from this day on, Rhaenys tried to fill the hole her mothers absence had left in their lives.

At the moment she was forced to endure yet another tourney to celebrate her betrothal to Willas Tyrell. In fact she had hoped to avoid this, but both her father and her future father-in-law had insisted. Now she was seated between her brother Aegon, who wasn't able to participate in the jousting due to a rather nasty arm injury which he received during the melee (and he was still seething), and her aunt Daenerys. Her mother Elia (who arrived from Dorne) was seated in the same row, next to her friend Ashara Dayne and her husband Rhaegar. Next to the king sat Viserys with his wife Arianne (who exchanged their affection rather openly what scandalized more than a few ladies present) and her uncle Oberyn. Her future family in law sat a few rows away from them, a distance Rhaenys greatly detested. Ser Arthur, Ser Barristan, Ser Jonathon and Ser Oswell stood guard, while Ser Loras (who was raised to the brotherhood of the Kingsguard two days ago to replace the recently deceased Lord Commander) prepared for the last tilt. Their brother Ser Arys was trailing Jon who (after being unhorsed during the last round by Ser Loras) was expected to join them after changing his clothes. Rhaenys was trying to keep the smile on her face, but on the inside she wanted to yell. The tourney had already lasted for two days and that was too much of a long time to keep up the pretense that she enjoyed this nonsense. Next to her Aegon sported a dark grim expression, while Dany didn't look so much better.  
"What's wrong with the two of you?!", she hissed. " You like tourneys! So what is the matter?" Aegon threw her dismayed glance. "I was not only not able to participate in the jousting, but I also got bested by that fucking Joffrey Hightower in the melee! He and his lapdog allied against me! It is not like he is any good, if i had faced him alone, I would have destroyed him! After all he has done!" Aegon had a dangerous glint in his eyes. Her foolish, hot headed brother...But it really hadn't been fair. The hound had knocked Aegons sword out of his hand and Joffrey hit his shoulder with his morning star after Aegon was already without a weapon. Later on, Clegane yielded and so Joffrey was announced as the victor. "I lost 10 gold dragons and my sand steed in a bet against Tyrion", Dany said from her left. Rhaenys rolled her eyes. Dany should have already learned not to bet against Tyrion. "Let me guess", she said. "He put his money on Ser Jaime and you on Jon?"  
"No, first on Aegon and then I put my money on Jon."  
"I would not tell Jon that", Rhaenys said and watched Aegon as he gloated for a few moments.  
"Well, now it seems your plan has failed, Aegon", Arianne said while taking Jons vacant seat next to Aegon. "I see no reason for you to look so pleased with yourself."  
"What plan?"  
"Aegon and Jon had planned to crown you Queen of Love and Beauty in case they had won." In the meantime Viserys had joined Arianne and pressed a kiss on her temple. "Be nice, Arianne we don't want to kick a man who is already on the ground. I mean bested by that bloody Hightower?!"  
"It was not a fair fight!" Jon who had just arrived wasted no time in coming to Aegons aid. "And now leave my seat before I have you two removed." After a mock bow the two love birds returned to their seats. Rhaenys took the time to give Willas her first genuine smile at that day after he turned his head in her direction. He returned it and she already felt a bit better. That was until she saw Jon rubbing his right shoulder.  
"Everything alright, Jon? The fall looked rather..harsh." Rhaenys always feared that her youngest brother might hurt himself one day rather seriously, just because he wanted to proof himself. He just smiled reassuringly at her.  
"Lady Hightower will probably be crowned Queen of Love and Beauty now", Dany mused.  
"Well, mayhaps Loras will win", Rhaenys added. Aegon snorted. "Who is HE going to crown then? I don't see Renly Baratheon attending."  
In the end they were all wrong. While it seemed like a safe bet that Jaime Lannister would unhorse his nephew Joffrey with ease, everyone was surprised when the opposite happened. And after breaking seven lances against Loras, he also felled him. While the crowd cheered for their new champion, there we more than a few confused faces in the audience. Nobody expected Joffrey Hightower to win, who was more known for his arrogance and cruelty than for his skill with the lance.  
After he received the crown he rode directly to the royal stands and put it in Rhaenys lap. Nobody cheered. Instead hundred people at once started to whisper furiously. The word "Harrenhal" fell more than once. Joffrey looked at her with a wicked grin on his face. His thoughts were clear. No mindreading was needed to know what he was thinking. Giving the laurel to her was an insult. To her betrothed and her family. Rhaenys did not dare to look at Willas. 'Your husband is a cripple', Joffreys eyes said. 'He will never win one for you. And I reminded the whole world of it.' Next to her Aegon made an angry noise and tried to get up, but her uncle Oberyn and Ser Oswell were holding him back. Her father looked like he had seen a ghost. Cersei Hightower had a smug look on her face, while her twin brother looked shocked like the majority in the audience. Tywin Lannisters expression was unreadable. If anybody else who was not betrothed or married had given her the crown, it might had been seen as a sign of admiration, but that Joffrey Hightower, whose marriage proposal had been rejected by Dany and her, of all people did this after the disgusting rumors he allegedly spread about her...No, his eyes said it all. But he would not win. She turned to her mother who was watching her with a glint in her eyes. Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken. With a heavy heart she tried to make eye contact with Willas, but her betrothed avoided her glance. Instead he looked at the ground. Suddenly she heard a yelp and saw someone throwing himself on Joffrey. She was right. Crowning someone Queen of Love and Beauty brought nothing but strife.

**AN:**

So..this will probably my last chapter for a while..except for two very nice reviews, the response on this site (and three on another) were very underwhelming so far. I will not announce a certain number of reviews I need before I continue, but it would be nice (and very motivating) to have a few more.

Jonsnueohh: Thanks, for taking the time to leave a comment!

Naerys Targaryen: Thank you! I always wondered how everything might have turned out, if Rhaegar had won! To your question: Well, in my story I set Rhaenys up to be more of a mother figure to her younger siblings (and Dany). If Rhaella had survived or Elia had stayed, the RhaenysxJonxDany thing might have been something I would have considered, but JonxDany (or AegonxDany) is still on the table, I promise nothing though...


End file.
